


Sunshine, it’s okay to cry

by mochi_08X



Series: Just Making the Poor I-Landers Suffer Y'know... [1]
Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Sad Daniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26516347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochi_08X/pseuds/mochi_08X
Summary: Daniel is tired of feeling not good enough so he breaks down and cuts himself. The hyungs (plus his boyfriend, NIki) find him afterwards but how will they react?
Relationships: Nishimura Riki | Niki/Kim Dongkyu | Daniel
Series: Just Making the Poor I-Landers Suffer Y'know... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959709
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	1. The Beginnig

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hoomans... I know this is really bad but it's my fist story... hopefully it'll get better.
> 
> Other POVs / characters (in details and stuff) will come soon i guess?

Daniel POV

Daniel stared at himself in the mirror, and went through the dance one more time. He knew it was way too late, it was almost the time he should have been waking up, if he had gone to sleep, but he had so much to improve. ‘Worthless,’ his mind supplied, ‘If you weren’t so pathetic at dance, you wouldn’t be here, would you?’

He wanted, no, needed something to ground him from the thoughts. He ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut as silently as he could. He rummaged around for the trusty razor blade, and once he found it, slid off his sweatpants, and held the blade to his thighs.

  
‘One cut for being horrible at dancing’

‘One cut for having terrible singing’

‘One cut for being the maknae when you don’t deserve it’

‘One cut for being born’

‘One cut for disappointing everyone’

‘One cut for burdening your hyungs’

  
And on it went, until the 18th cut

  
‘One cut for having Niki as your boyfriend when you don’t deserve him’

  
As he watched the blood flow down his pale thighs, he leant back and sighed. His mind felt no clearer than before, the thoughts were still there, swirling around in his mind. He didn’t know what to do to make it all stop.

  
He slid down, brought his knees to himself despite the stinging on his thighs, and screamed. He didn’t care about who heard him, and if anyone came he’d deal with it later.

Niki POV

Niki had been woken up by Jay and had now been eating breakfast with the hyungs. Jungwon had apparently attempted to steal Sunoo’s food, which had led to Sunoo attacking him with a spatula.

Niki on the other hand, had just been eating peacefully with K when the fiasco occurred. While he was staring in utter shock at the appearance of violent Sunoo, Kei had just shook his head with a “These kids will be the death of me one day” muttered under his breath.

Speaking of hyungs…. Where was his boyfriend? “Heeseung hyung, where’s Daniel?”

“I don’t know Niki, he’s probably still sleeping. K said he was practicing way too much so he made him sleep a little bit earlier. I did check but he wasn’t in his bedroom though, maybe he’s in the bathroom?”

“Okay hyung” Niki replied, feeling a sense of dread overcome him. He didn’t know why but something felt wrong.

Suddenly, a scream echoed in the I-Land. They all jumped, not expecting a scream to come. K ran towards the bathroom and once he saw what was inside, he screamed “Daniel!”

Recovering from their initial shock, everyone ran towards the bathroom after hearing K’s scream. They ran inside and saw Daniel staring at them with wide eyes, and was that blood on his thighs?

Apparently Niki wasn’t the only to notice it too, as Sunghoon and Jake let out a pained gasp.

Niki ran and sat down in front of Daniel, and put his trembling hands in his. “Let me see your thighs Daniel”

“No, there’s nothing to show” Daniel argued weakly

“Show us Daniel, please” Heeseung pleaded

“I said no, there’s nothing on it” Daniel argued, despite the stinging, making him wince just a tiny bit. He hoped no one saw.

“Daniel, come on, if there’s really nothing you should be able to show us.” Sunghoon then attempted.

“No, there isn’t anything” Daniel said

“Daniel, we know, but if there really isn’t anything you should show us” Jay tried

As they were speaking, Niki noticed with horror that the blood had slipped down the sides of his thighs, making a small puddle on the floor.

“Daniel, please, hyungs just want to know” Jungwon went

“There really isn’t anything, please, stop” Daniel pleaded, as a tear slipped out. He roughly wiped it away.

“Daniel baby, look down.” Niki ordered. Daniel looked down along with the other I-Landers. Everyone apart from Daniel gasped in horror. “Now tell me that there’s nothing on your thighs.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the 2nd chapter hoomans!!!

Daniel POV

Daniel stared in fascination at the puddle of blood beneath his thighs. He couldn’t believe the amount of blood he had managed to spill. He wanted more blood to come out.

“I thought I sliced more than the amount of blood though… I could’ve done more and died…” he muttered, not reslising that Niki was next to him and could very well hear him.

Niki had actually heard him and was shocked.

“Baby, what did you say?” Niki asked Daniel

“Nothing” He replied

“You said you wanted to die. Baby what’s going on. You need to tell me”

“I want to die! I’m sick and tired of not being good enough! I can’t dance, sing, rap, or do anyhing. I’m burdening everyone in I-Land. I’m a horrible maknae. I’m ugly. I don’t deserve you Niki hyung” Daniel screamed, breaking down as he sobbed into NIki’s shoulder.

Niki POV

Niki was shocked. His boyfriend, his love had been thinking like this all this time and he hadn’t noticed? He was a terrible boyfriend. Looking down he noticed that the blood was starting to stop. The puddle of blood was now considerably larger. He noticed that the hyungs were very confused and were staring at them, trying to connect the dots. He motioned for Heeseung and Kei to get the first aid kit. They sent him questioning looks but he glared and they went to get them. Right now he had more pressing issues to deal with.

“Baby, you are the most amazing person I’ve met” He started, trying not to cry but a stragling tear slipped out onto his cheek. Daniel protested but Niki went on,“You are amazing at dancing, singing, rapping, beatboxing, and you’re the best maknae we could’ve asked for. And don’t get me started on how beautiful you are, I could go on about it all day. And also don’t you dare tell me that you don’t deserve me, if anything, I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

At this point, Heeseung and Kei had come back from getting the first aid kit. The came forward and faced Daniel. “Dongkyu sweetie, can you show me your thighs please?” Heeseung asked.

Daniel looked with half lidded eyes at Niki. “No. I feel dizzy, hyung” 

Normally he would be shocked at the how the look really made him look drop dead gorgeous but after what he said to say he wasn’t concerned was a lie.

Niki was starting to get increasingly worried about the wellbeing of his boyfriend, not just mentally, but physially too. “Heeseung hyung, can you do the bandages on Daniel please? He asked.

“Of course Niki-ah” Heeseung replied.

Niki unwrapped Daniel’s arms around him so he could sit behind Daniel. Daniel whined as he sat down behind thinking he was leaving and Niki immediately put daniel in his lap and hugged him from behind. “Baby, show Heeseung hyung your thighs.”

Daniel POV

Situated in Niki’s lap and with his arms wrapping around his body from behind, Daniel felt safe from his mind. He felt… content with himself, knowing that Niki was here. He started crying as Heeseung tried to pull his legs from the earlier position where they were folded so no one could see them. He furiously wiped his tears so Niki couldn’t see them. 

“Sunshine, it’s okay to cry, you know that right?” Niki said to Daniel. He nodded shakily and started crying quietly. “So let Heeseung hyung see. You’re dizzy so you might faint and we don’t want that. So please?” Niki asked. “Fine.” He responded.

3rd POV

Heeseung pulled Daniel’s legs so they were straight and everyone in the room gasped. There were 9 lines on each leg and the cuts were long and quite deep. It was a miracle that he hadn’t fainted yet, but it was only a matter of time, so they had better act fast.

Niki had started crying into Daniel’s shoulder, unable to hold in the sheer pain from seeing how his boyfriend was destroying himself. Daniel felt Niki crying and started crying too. “I’m sorry hyung” He cried. “Baby it’s ok” Niki quickly reassured Daniel while hugging him tighter

Heeseung had gotten the antiseptic and cotton pads and had come back to Daniel and Niki to start disinfecting his wounds. Daniel flinched when Heeseung cleaned the first wound and Heeseung quickly spoke to reassure him. “Dongkyu-ah we need to do this so you don’t get an infection, okay?” Daniel nodded, and Heeseung sighed. As Heeseung cleaned the first wound, Daniel violently flinched and whimpered. Niki immediately reassured him. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay, it’s only going to hurt for a bit, but then these won’t get infected.”

Daniel calmed down somewhat but still squirmed and had tears in his eyes as Heeseung cleaned the rest of his cuts. After Heeseung finished putting the bandaged on his thighs Daniel asked “Can I go to bed now?” and Kei picked up Daniel to carry him to his room. Heeseung followed Kei and Daniel

Niki got up in the bathroom and started getting tissues to clean up the blood that was on the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bruh really? i can't do a summary for the life of me.... stream the boyz!!!

Chapter 3

Sunghoon POV

Sunghoon wasn’t going to lie, he was expecting someone to break down in I-Land. The competition was intense, and as soon as you made some decent friends, you lose them. What Sunghoon wasn’t expecting though, was for Daniel to break down and self-harm. No, that was not expected at all. He was probably the most cheerful of everyone in I-Land, so he was confused. What happened for   
Daniel to make him this way? “Sunghoon hyung, can you move, please?” Niki asked. He moved so Niki could get the tissues to clean up the blood on the floor. Which only served to remind him how hard Daniel had spiralled.

Sunghoon saw Niki furiously cleaning up the blood while trying hard not to cry. It hurt Sunghoon watching Niki who was trying to be strong for his boyfriend, but unable to control his emotions himself. So Sunghoon went up to Niki and said “It’s okay Niki, you can let it out, you know?” Apparently that was the only thing that Niki needed to reach his own breaking point, as he turned around and sobbed into his hands covering his face. Sunghoon gave him a bear hug.

“Hyung, am I a bad boyfriend? Why can’t I help him? How didn’t I notice?” he cried into his shoulder. 

“Niki ah, it’s not that you’re a bad boyfriend, you didn’t notice. No one noticed what he was going through. Daniel – “he choked up at this “he hid it so well. We were lucky to have found him when we did, otherwise where would we be? Now we have to make him feel safe and it’s your job to be there for him, more than ever, okay?” Niki nodded and sighed. They continued cleaning. 

“Should I go to Daniel now?” Niki suddenly asked Sunghoon

“You don’t need to ask me, of course you can”

Niki left and Sunghoon sighed. What should he do to get their maknae back? He doesn’t know, that’s the truth

Niki POV

Niki walked to Daniel’s room. He stood there and decided whether to knock or just walk in.

“Niki you can just come in you know, Daniel is sleeping.” Niki was knocked out of his reverie by K opening the door and standing in front of him.

“Come on” 

He came inside and saw Heeseung on the bed opposite Daniel, and also saw Daniel sleeping peacefully. When was the last time he had seen him sleep peacefully? He didn’t know.

He went over to the bed Daniel was sleeping in and sat down. Daniel looked gorgeous when he was sleeping, and that was a fact that Niki wasn’t afraid to tell him.

Daniel had apparently sensed his presence and had woken up, and was just staring at him. 

“Hyung” 

Niki whipped his head around so fast he worried that he might have whiplash and coincidentally made eye contact with Daniel. Daniel smiles softly.

“Hyung, come here.” Niki went under the covers and wrapped his arms around Daniel’s waist tightly. Daniel smiled against his shoulder and looped his arms around Niki’s neck.

“What’s the time hyung?” Daniel suddenly asked

“10:37 Daniel” Heeseung replied. That meant they had spent around 4 hours calming down Daniel. The thought of how they spent the past 4 hours made Niki shiver and unconsciously lean away from   
Daniel. Daniel frowned.

Niki still couldn’t believe what all of I-Land had just gone through. If someone told him when he first came to I-Land that his future boyfriend would think of himself so self-deprecatingly to the point where he would cut himself, he would’ve laughed in their faces and just say “Bold of you to assume I would have a boyfriend in I-Land” but now here, in the real thing, it scared him more than he would like to admit, it really did.

“Hyungie…” of course, Daniel is the one to pull him out of his thoughts. 

“Come here baby” Daniel shifted forwards into Niki’s embrace and hugged him a little too tight.

“Baby… a little too tight” Niki just about managed to gasp out.

“Oh my god, sorry, sorry, sorry” Daniel said apologetically, but the mischievous glint in his eyes gave him away.

“What am I going to do with you Daniel” Niki remarked, pulling Daniel in for a kiss. Daniel gladly reciprocated the kiss, wrapping his arms once again around Niki’s neck.

“Ahem, not in front of my salad please, thank you very much” Niki and Daniel pulled away with a blushing cheeks, only to see that Heeseung and K had said that, in sync, while actually eating salad. Caesar salad to be exact. Well Shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double update hoomans! Also intense swearing ahead :)

Daniel POV

Daniel woke up and felt arms on his waist and a body in front of him. He panicked for a moment then realised that it was his boyfriend. He knew that he had to let everything out, that he knew that he wasn’t okay, but he didn’t know how to stop. He must’ve started crying quietly, because Niki had tightened his arms on him and lifted his chin up to face him.

“Hey baby, what’s wrong?” Niki asked, visibly worried again. Great. He worried him. Again. ‘What a great boyfriend you are’ his mind supplied. He shook his head forcefully. Hell no this was happening again, not now everyone knows.

Niki was more than a little confused, so he just buried his head into Daniel’s neck and asked “Ummm… what are you doing babe?” ending the question with a kiss to the neck.

Daniel blushed at the contact, but mumbled under his breath “I want to talk about it but I’m scared to talk about it and I don’t know what to do”

Niki hadn’t heard him and asked “What baby I can’t hear what you just said.”

“I said, I want to talk about it but I’m scared to talk about it and I don’t know what to do” Daniel said, sighing and leaning his chin on the shorter’s head, failing to stop the tears that came out.

Niki, albeit reluctantly, leant away from Daniel‘s neck and faced him. “Baby, just take your time and you can tell me. I would love it if you tell me, but I want it to be on your terms, not mine, okay?”

“Okay”

“Now let me see how your thighs are doing”

Daniel pushed the covers away from him, shivering as the cold air hit him. He looked down. Wait a second…

“WHY THE FUCK AM I ONLY IN MY BOXERS?!”

Poor Niki had gotten the scare of his life and had toppled off the bed onto the floor.

“DANIEL, WHAT THE HELL?!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT THE HELL, HOW THE FUCK AM I ONLY IN MY BOXERS!?!?”

“WELL WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT??”

“BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BOYFRIEND YOU DUMBASS!!!”

“WELL I NEVER DID THAT DANIEL!!”

“WELL IF YOU DON’T REMEMBER THINK”

“I AM THINKING AND I DON’T FUCKING REMEMBER”

“WELL THINK SOME MORE THEN”

“STOP HARASSING ME!!”

“I AIN’T HARASSING YOU WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HARASSMENT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S HARASSING ME “

“I WILL REPORT YOU TO THE POLICE!!”

"YOU CAN'T THAT'S NOT A CRIME"

"IT IS AND I WON'T HESITATE TO REPORT YOU!"

“BUDDY YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING DARE THAT DEFEATS THE FUCKING BRO CODE!”

“Wait… “Niki stopped to think “DID YOU JUST FUCKING BROZONE ME?!?!”

“SO WHAT IF I DID BRO”

“YOU'RE MY BLOODY BOYFRIEND DANIEL”

“OMG I JUST REALIZED THAT – FUCK”

“YEAH SHIT FUCKING SHERLOCK HONEY”

During this whole argument thingy that was going on between the two lovebirds, Heeseung and Kei were just sipping their freshly brewed and made tea and popcorn.

“Damn this shit is good” K let out a questioning sound, luckily Niki or Daniel didn’t hear it. Unfortunately for K though, Heeseung had heard.

“omg shut the hell up what the hell was that noise you just made??”

Jay POV

Meanwhile, the rest of I-Land were trying to have a normal meal for once, which actually didn’t happen a lot (never), which was of course ruined by Niki and Daniel.

Jay just sighed. ‘Not these hooligans’ he thought as Daniel brozoned his own boyfriend. He sighed again and shouted

“WILL BOTH OF YOU PLEASE KINDLY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME EAT IN FUCKING PEACE FOR ONCE!!!” Jay shouted, making all four of the people in Daniel’s room and the rest of I-Land freeze “Thank you”

Everyone apart from Jay sat in stunned silence for a minute. Then all hell came down on the dinner table as everyone choked on their food simultaneously while laughing their souls off to the depths of hell.

“Jay, you shouldn’t have sworn at the babies, now their feelings are gonna be hurt” Jake said while miraculously keeping a straight face for a few seconds, before dissolving into laughter again.

“Bitch please, you saw how Niki was in the Ground, plus you saw the actual baby numerous time in one sentence a minute ago” at this everyone laughed even harder, if that was possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is really short... I might write a new story with another kpop group!

Heeseung POV

Heeseung was disgusted. “Why did you fucking moan hyung?” he asked after leaving the room walking to the dining hall where the others were finally eating quietly. 

“That popcorn was fucking amazing you can’t blame me” K indignantly said, all while pouting cutely.

“Did K hyung just fucking pout” Everyone gasped as Sunghoon asked

“And did he actually moan while eating popcorn” Sunoo asked while munching on ramen.

Everyone collectively laughed as K blushed beet red and ran towards his own room. Heeseung laughed and sat down with his still unfinished bowl of popcorn

Daniel POV

Daniel stared at Niki. They had broth froze after hearing Jay shouting at them to shut up. Daniel smiled. Then ran into Niki’s arms as they both simultaneously started laughing hard. Daniel collapsed, bringing Niki down with him, and continued laughing even though Niki managed to pull himself together and grumbled “I still can’t believe you bro zoned me, your own boyfriend. Daniel just laughed harder. 

Daniel calmed down after a few minutes and buried his face in Niki’s neck. “I’m sorry for bro zoning you hyungie”

“Babe you just hyung zoned me”

“Nope we’re not going there again babe”

“Finally you decide to not bro or hyung zone me”

“You’re older than me yet you don’t like me calling you hyung. What a mood hyung”

“Not again Daniel”

“Stop using my words against me hyung”

Niki laughed and Daniel just sat entranced by the sight. Then Niki’s face went serious and Daniel swallowed nervously.

“Can I see your thighs? I want to see how they’re doing.”

Daniel gulped and stretched his bandaged legs towards Niki.

Niki POV

Niki unwrapped Daniel’s bandages and flinched when he saw the cuts. Some of them had started to scab over, but some were still bleeding lightly, and he knew that those cuts were very deep and would scar over and stay for a long time. Daniel crawled over and hugged him. He hadn’t realized that he had started crying hard. He pulled Daniel so he could bury his face in his chest as he gasped for breath. Daniel had started crying again, as Niki could feel the tears. 

Niki leant back and told Daniel 

“Promise me, please, promise that whenever you feel like doing this again, whenever you feel like you want to end everything, that you’ll come to me, no matter whether I’m practicing or sleeping, I promise will be there. I don’t want you destroying yourself like this.”

“I promise hyung” Daniel spoke through his tears while linking his pinkie with his.

Niki got the first aid kit on the desk next to Daniel’s bed and came over with the necessary things. He came back and Daniel sat on his lap. Niki gave him a questioning look but Daniel said “I feel safe like this” and he didn’t ask questions. He put his chin on Daniel’s shoulder so he could see the scars and clean them. Daniel whined a little bit as he cleaned them but stayed still for the majority of it. 

Niki wrapped the bandages for it, then leant both of them down so they could sleep for a little bit. The day was very tiring.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is crap guys... i kinda lost motivation for this but i do have another I-Land story coming up (gee, i do love making these guys suffer *insert evil laugh*) but yeah

Daniel POV  
It was the day after everything had been revealed. Everything seemed to be back to normal, but Daniel knew that the atmosphere was different throughout the whole day, and that the others were asking him all the time if he was ok. Even during practice, everyone was asking, and they barely did anything because of it. Not that he minded the extra break of course, but it was getting a little annoying. Niki had apparently noticed his discomfort, so he had called for a ‘family meeting’ as K as dubbed it.

“So… Daniel, do you want to talk” Niki asked, noticing the way that Daniel had tensed at the question.

“It’s just that… I understand that you guys are worried, especially after what happened yesterday, but asking me that every hour or five minutes isn’t just going to change the fact that I’m not ok.”

“Ok… so I have a preposition in mind…” K started.

“Ok hyung, go on”

“So we only have a few days till the finals. Maybe it’s better if for now after evening practice we check your scars, and we ask you if you’re ok. That way we can be at peace, and it would leave Daniel at peace.”

“But what about during the day? There could be a possibility it could happen then.” Jay asked

“Now this is where Niki comes in. since Niki is dating Daniel, Daniel would trust Niki enough to go to him when things get bad. I trust that Niki will come to us when things get especially bad, or when it gets too much.” K responded

“That… is a good idea. I’m ok with it.” Heeseung said, before rounding on Daniel “How is it for you?”

“Yeah, I’m ok with that.”

“Ok guys, remember this. This isn’t just for Daniel, but for everyone here. Don’t just wallow in your feelings when things get bad and come to one of us. I know I’m not the best person to come to and I don’t know how to deal with it but we can all learn. Don’t keep your feelings to yourself. That’s all” Heeseung ended the mini speech with a flourish of his hands.

Daniel nodded “That’s much better”

Niki pulled Daniel so Daniel’s back was touching his chest and hugged him. Now he felt much more at peace.


End file.
